Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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