explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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