I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
