what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
