i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
