I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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