just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
