So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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