I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Say something about gay babies.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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