Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
