addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
