I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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