I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
