I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
