Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
