So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
