YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
