i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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