This is not my ceiling
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
