Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
