Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
