My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
