Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
operation have a gay friend backfired
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
