im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm too high and old for this...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
