I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
