How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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