Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
