I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
