hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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