So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
