Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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