They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
