one might say we're banned from that church
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
