I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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