we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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