He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
