Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
