Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
