im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
