85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
