also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
