I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
