i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
