Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
