There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
