I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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