forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
