A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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