apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
