Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
